POO N NAPPYS

I never knew how much shit comes out of a baby until a few hours after he was born, in the world for 2 hours and bam an explosive poo roars from his ass like a derailed train crashing into his nappy with enough force to start to blow the seals on the sides.

DADDY'S FIRST NAPPY

Springing into action like a swat team member on a tactical bust. This was my first mission the enemy a sticky patch of mud like brown goo. I go in armed with a fresh nappy and a hand full of baby wipes. But first i must make entry to the nappy zone. Small metal studs frustrate my fingers as the squirms and wriggles become more violent as baby trys to make good his escape,  i employ a hold that has the subject down and still. But the studs elude my clumsy fingers  One wriggling leg free ....now another ! Lift legs open nappy and ...... Jeeez boy you can really poo like a champion !! Torrents of the stickiest poo you have ever seen, i mean you could have used this stuff to stick things down i was thinking of bottling the stuff n selling POO GLUE.

 2 wipes down and we aren't even close daddy calls for reinforcements but no one answers. Releasing my hold for one second i perform a tactical manoeuvre to grab some wipes only to see baby's legs come crashing down onto the soiled nappy.

OFFICER NEED ASSISTANCE !!!

20 baby wipes later and we are ready for a new nappy. Lay the nappy out flat pull out the tabs wrap it around, Try and peel sticky stuff off tabs, Tabs rip off .... Rinse and repeat 3 or 4 more times. The tabs are Velcro ...well who would have thought ? Nappy on and the mission is nearing an end. Just putting this God damn suit on, Get your legs in Please !

Soon the mission is over the baby subdued and the collateral damage being carried away reminding me of body bags after a great battle. This officer is going to retire to Tactical operations HQ and debrief this mission and look for a better way ! 

Thanks Faithful readers ....NONE !! Woo Hoo the best way to keep your feelings private seems to publish them publicly, who has the time to read these days ? 

Cheers 

Daddy T